


Pinky Promise

by damianwayne



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, First Time, M/M, with a happy ending bc i'm not an asshole, ya i'll probably upload pt 2 tomorrow its 1am and i'm tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:30:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8559898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianwayne/pseuds/damianwayne
Summary: Ushijima didn't have any friends, so when nobody came to his birthday party, he feels like he shouldn't be surprised. He is, however, surprised when Oikawa comes as the only guest and the two boys start to become friends from then on.And every year, Ushijima and Oikawa spend his birthday together, even though they're on different volleyball teams and even though Oikawa seems to hate him. Because it's the only day they can pretend everything is fine between them.





	1. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like we were talking about elementary AU in the ushioisquad and then i was like "ok this is sad but imagine ushi w a party hat alone on his bday bc nobody came except for oikawa"

Ushijima didn‘t have many friends.

He was okay with it. He was a quiet child who wasn‘t good at making friends and liked to keep to himself. He was never invited by the other children to play with them or to visit them, but he was also never bullied. They never talked to him, but they also didn‘t ignore him.

It was okay, Ushijima was okay with it.

Of course he wished he could have a friend, someone who was close to him and would play with him during break so he wouldn‘t be so alone, but it was no reason for him to cry. The teachers were nice and spent time with him sometimes, giving him suggestions how he could interact with the other kids.

Ushijima tried, but he mostly failed to.

His teachers have apparently told his parents too, and they were of course concerned because their son wasn‘t able to make friends. So when his seventh birthday came up, they said they‘ll host a birthday party for him.

His birthday fell in the middle of summer vacation when a lot of children were gone, but there were of course still kids who were staying in the city. There had to be, right? At least that‘s what his parents told him.

Ushijima didn‘t particularly want a birthday party and to invite everyone, he wasn‘t close to his classmates, but they insisted and invited literally everyone to his birthday.

On the day of his birthday, they have baked him a cake and bought balloons and put them all over the back of their garden where they hosted the party, since it was a sunny day. They even put a party hat on him and lit up exactly seven candles on his cake.

Ushijima was unsure what to do, he has never been to a birthday party since nobody had invited him and he also didn‘t know how to talk to his classmates.

His parents were excited, so he tried to be too. He even tried to smile for the camera, but Ushijima to be honest, just wanted to eat the cake in peace and then play with his dogs or volleyball with his father.

So he waited for the guests to arrive. And waited. And waited.

He saw the concerned faces of his parents and they went inside to talk and Ushijima wasn‘t sure what they were talking about, but most likely about him. He shouldn‘t be surprised that nobody came, he didn‘t have any friends anyway. None of his classmates were interested in talking or playing with him and he couldn‘t blame them, he wasn‘t really interesting, right?

It still hurt. Ushijima wanted to take off his party hat already and then go in his room and not come out for a while. He didn‘t cry often, but he really felt near his tears, even though he thought it was stupid to get upset over this.

That was, when his mother came out.

“Look, Wakatoshi, one of your friends came!“ she said and smiled.

The friend she was referring to was no one else but Oikawa Tooru. Ushijima was surprised that out of all people it was him who arrived. He was very well liked by everyone in class and had tons of friends, so many that he couldn‘t even pay attention to Ushijima!

“Oikawa?“ Ushijima asked. “Why are you here?“

“You invited me,“ Oikawa said and sat down next to him at the table and put a present on the it. Ushijima has never received a present from someone who weren‘t his parents, relatives or other adults. “And we‘re friends!“

“We‘re friends?“ Ushijima asked.

“You invited me, so we‘re friends now!“ Oikawa explained and smiled brightly at him. Ushijima would never forget that smile Oikawa gave him on his seventh birthday, bright and so warm. It even made Ushijima smile.

“Thank you,“ he said.

“Happy Birthday Ushiwaka!“

Ushijima wasn‘t sure if Oikawa didn‘t know his name and thought it was ‘Ushiwaka‘, but he didn‘t mind. He had a friend now and he wanted nothing more than that. Especially when Oikawa put on the party hat too, because for the first time, Ushijima didn‘t feel lonely anymore.

* * *

 

From that day on, he had a friend at school.

Unlike Ushijima, Oikawa still had tons of friends and was good at socializing, everyone loved him. But Oikawa didn‘t care about the fact that Ushijima was unpopular, he spent his breaks with Ushijima and they exchanged food from their bentos and Oikawa came over a lot to play with Ushijima and his dogs. He even started playing volleyball because of him.

Oikawa was Ushijima‘s best friend, but Ushijima wasn‘t Oikawa‘s best friend.

He still had his ‘Iwa-chan’ he told Ushijima often about. He didn‘t live near them, so they didn‘t go to the same school, but they were really close and Ushijima was jealous when Oikawa talks about him. But he understood it, of course Oikawa would have someone he liked more than him.

On Ushijima‘s eighth birthday, his mother didn‘t bother to invite anyone over anymore and Ushijima was way happier about it. He had his only friend Oikawa and they spent the day together, eating cake, playing volleyball and with his dogs and running around in the fields of his garden.

“Ushiwaka, do you miss your father?“ Oikawa asked him on that day when they were too exhausted from running around and playing and both lying on the grass, staring at the blue sky.

“Yes,“ Ushijima said. His parents had divorced early, but his father had still always been around and always taught him volleyball, sometimes even Oikawa when he was there too. But now he had moved to another town and barely showed up.

“Is it bad with just one parent?“ Oikawa asked.

Ushijima didn‘t know why he was asking. “No,“ he said.

Oikawa smiled and sat up. “Can you open my present for you now?“

“Okay.“

* * *

  
  


On his ninth birthday, Oikawa slept over.

He was going to the beach tomorrow on Ushijima‘s birthday with his best friend ‘Iwa-chan‘, but he also still wanted to spend Ushijima‘s birthday with him, it was their tradition now. So he stayed over the night before and when Ushijima and Oikawa woke up, he was the first one to congratulate him.

Even Ushijima‘s father was there, and even though Ushijima was sad they couldn‘t spend the entire day together, he was happy.

When Oikawa‘s mother picked him up, Ushijima held onto his shirt right before.

“Thank you,“ he said. “For being here.“

“Stupid Ushiwaka! You don‘t need to thank me, we‘re friends!“ Oikawa smiled at him with his mouth wide open, showing all his teeth and teeth gaps. “You could also just come with us! Iwa-chan would love to meet you!“

Ushijima shook his head. He didn‘t want to be together with the both of them, he felt like he‘d lose against him and feel lonely again.

“No, thank you. But have fun.“

“I will!“ Oikawa hugged him and then ran towards his mother to their car.

 

* * *

 

“Ushiwaka,“ Oikawa said on Ushijima‘s tenth birthday. “No matter what happens, we will always spend your birthday together, okay?“

“Of course,“ Ushijima said. “Why?“

“Promise me!“

“I promise.“

“Pinky promise!“ Oikawa held out his pinky in front of Ushijima and he laughed as he hooked their pinkies together.

“I promise, Oikawa.“ Oikawa smiled.

“Thank you.“ He turned back to eating the cake Ushijima‘s mother had bought.

“Why are you saying this now?“

Oikawa looked down and his shoulders were dropping. “My father has a new job and we‘re moving. I‘ll go to another city,“ he explained.

“Oh.“ Ushijima didn‘t know what to say. Oikawa was his only friend in school. He didn‘t even bother befriending someone else, even when Oikawa introduced him to his other classmates, because all Ushijima ever needed was him. He and Oikawa have always been together that he totally forgot what it was like to be alone.

He didn‘t even remember the time he had spent all alone without Oikawa before his seventh birthday.

“But I will come and visit you!“ Oikawa promised. “And we‘ll play volleyball together and eat cake! We promised, right?“

Ushijima smiled. “Yes, we did.“

* * *

 

It was really lonely without Oikawa. He moved away right before they entered fifth grade and Oikawa promised him to call. They didn‘t live that far away, but seeing each other so often would still be hard.

He was all alone again. He didn‘t have anyone to spend lunch break with, nobody who would exchange food with, nobody to go on a walk with his dogs, nobody to play volleyball with since his father had moved overseas now too.

Ushijima felt lonely and all by himself and he was really bad at talking so their phone calls were really short too. It was mostly just Oikawa talking about his day and his new friends and asking Ushijima how his life was going.

Ushijima couldn‘t really say anything, nothing special happened, not anymore. Oikawa on the other hand had of course found a lot of new friends immediately, and he was now in the same class as his best friend Iwaizumi. Oikawa had been sad at first, but Ushijima noticed quickly how much he liked his new life there and Ushijima was jealous.

He wanted Oikawa to be here again and he wanted to be his best friend, it wasn‘t fair that when Oikawa left Ushijima was all alone and Oikawa was having so much fun. Ushijima felt horrible for thinking this, so he avoided talking with Oikawa over the phone and their calls grew less and less.

When his birthday came, Ushijima wasn‘t even counting on him coming over, but Oikawa appeared in front of his door.

“Ushiwaka, why do you look so surprised?“ Oikawa asked. “Did you think I‘d break my promise? I‘d never break promises!“

Ushijima smiled and hugged him, much to Oikawa‘s surprise. “Thank you.“

“You don‘t need to thank me, we‘re friends!“

They spent Ushijima‘s eleventh birthday together as if no time has passed. All the past months were forgotten and Ushijima felt at peace again.

* * *

 

When Ushijima graduated from Elementary and got into Shiratorizawa Middle School, it was the first time he had friends who weren‘t Oikawa. He joined the volleyball team and made a lot of new friends.

They weren‘t as close as Oikawa was, but Ushijima didn‘t feel lonely anymore. But he didn‘t invite them over to his thirteenth birthday, that day was forever reserved for Oikawa.

Even if they never called each other anymore and even if Oikawa had looked at him with such sad eyes the last time he saw him because their team defeated theirs in a volleyball game, he still appeared on Ushijima‘s birthday at his doorstep with a present in his arms.

“Hi, Ushiwaka, long time no see!“ They don‘t talk about the volleyball match, they don‘t talk about how Shiratorizawa practically destroyed Kitagawa Daiichi and Oikawa didn‘t even say good bye to him when they left.

They leave all of that behind. None of them talked about the other lives they had, Ushijima didn‘t tell him about his new team and his new friends and neither did Oikawa.

They did what they always did on Ushijima‘s birthday. Eat cake, play in the garden with his two dogs, play volleyball, unpack the presents, stare into the sky and watch the clouds.

“Ushiwaka,“ Oikawa said. „Can we always do this?“

“Do what?“ Ushijima asked him, turning his head. Oikawa was still looking into the sky, not reacting to Ushijima‘s heavy gaze on him.

He got more beautiful with every year, Ushijima noticed. “On your birthday,“ Oikawa said. “Pretend that it‘s… another world. Whatever we do outside doesn‘t affect this one day.“

“Okay.“

“Promise?“ Oikawa finally turned his head and their eyes met.

“I promise.“ Ushijima smiled and reached out his hand to Oikawa‘s, hooking their pinkies together. “Pinky promise.“

“Don‘t make fun of me, Ushiwaka!“

* * *

  
  


Something was changing between them.

Apart from Ushijima‘s birthday, they haven‘t met up with each other in about five years. They haven‘t called each other in that time either, they simply grew apart. That was normal, right?

His best friend, Oohira Reon told him it was normal. He grew apart from his elementary school friends too, but Ushijima still missed Oikawa. Oikawa was more than just a friend for him, he had been his first friend and for a long time his  _ only _ friend. And with Oikawa, Ushijima felt much different than with any other friend.

He wanted him for himself, he didn‘t want to share him, he wanted to hold his hand and stay with him forever, but he knew he couldn‘t.

Not only because they grew apart, but because a rift was created between them.

Even when they met each other during training camps or volleyball matches, Oikawa didn‘t react the same way as he did before anymore.

It started out slowly, first he didn‘t smile as brightly anymore when Ushijima greeted him, then he didn‘t greet him back at all anymore and then he started to give Ushijima angry glares.

“Do you think he dislikes me?“ Ushijima asked his friend one day and Semi laughed.

“Dislikes you? He seems to  _ hate _ you,“ Semi said, laughing.

“Hate?“ Ushijima blinked. How could Oikawa hate him? They might not be as close anymore and maybe they weren‘t friends anymore, but he didn‘t see a reason why he would hate him.

“Well,“ Reon said, “it does kind of bring you down when you get defeated by us all the time, doesn‘t it?“

Ushijima furrowed his brows. „But that‘s no reason to hate someone.“

„Yeah,“ Semi agreed and shrugged. “I don‘t think so either. But some people are like that. Plus, we don‘t know how it is, we  _ always _ win. Kitagawa Daiichi always comes so far, but keeps failing when it comes to us, it must have an impact on their team.“

Yamagata grinned. “We‘re just that good!“

“It‘s not my fault we always win,“ Ushijima said. “Their team just isn‘t strong enough.“

“Ouch,“ Semi said. “Did you ever say that to Oikawa?“

Ushijima didn‘t reply and Reon sighed, while Yamagata put his hand on Ushijima‘s shoulder. “See? I mean, we know you‘re kind of blunt, but this might be the reason why he doesn‘t like you.“

“It can‘t be helped,“ Reon said. “Like you said, it‘s not our fault we always win. And you can‘t exactly go easy on him, he‘d hate you even more for it.“

 

* * *

 

Since then, Ushijima thought about Oikawa all the time. Did he really hate him? It made sense, what his teammates told him. Ushijima was anxious when his fifteenth birthday came up, because he wasn‘t sure if Oikawa would even turn up.

“You don‘t have to make a cake,“ Ushijima had told his mother. He was sure Oikawa wouldn‘t come, but when it was 4 pm, their doorbell rang and the dogs barked. Ushijima ran downstairs quickly only to see Oikawa standing in front of the door, a present tucked under his arm.

“Hi, Ushiwaka!“

Ushijima couldn‘t reply, because the dogs practically jumped over Oikawa, making him fall. Oikawa laughed cheerfully as he petted them.

“Oh, you missed me, didn‘t you?“ he asked, laughing, as the dogs licked his exposed skin.

He didn‘t want Oikawa to hate him. He wanted Oikawa to come over every day and greet his dogs and Ushijima wanted him to laugh this carelessly, his eyes closed and head thrown back. He was beautiful, even more beautiful than the last time Ushijima saw him.

Oikawa grew into a fine man, he knew that he was very popular with the girls, he saw his fan club of girls always gathered to their volleyball matches and he couldn‘t blame them. Oikawa was not only good looking, but he also had this charm around him. The way he talked, carried himself and moved- everything about him was beautiful.

“Help me up, Ushiwaka!“ Oikawa held out his hand and Ushijima grabbed it, helping him up on his feet.

He didn‘t want to let him go.

“Sorry, my mother didn‘t make cake today,“ Ushijima said.

“What? Did I get the date wrong? It is the 13th August, right? Your birthday?“ Oikawa entered the house.

“Yes, it is. I just… I wasn‘t sure if you‘d come,“ Ushijima explained, looking away.

Oikawa laughed. “Silly, we promised, didn‘t we? No matter what happens, I will always come to your birthdays! Why would you even have this stupid idea?“

“I thought you hated me.“

Oikawa froze and Ushijima raised his gaze, meeting Oikawa‘s eyes. There was a moment of silence between them, until Oikawa broke it. He looked down, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks.

“We talked about it, didn‘t we? No matter what happens, I‘ll always come,“ he said. “We promised. The outside world doesn‘t matter on this one day. Don‘t bring it up again, ever, okay?“

Ushijima nodded. “Yes, I‘m sorry.“

“It‘s fine! Let‘s bake the cake together then!“

That day he realized he was in love with Oikawa. When Oikawa‘s mother came to pick him up, Ushijima had hugged him longer than usual.

“What‘s up with you, Ushiwaka?“ Oikawa had asked, laughing, but still hugging him back.

“I won‘t get to do this until next year,“ Ushijima said and Oikawa laid his forehead on Ushijima‘s shoulder.

“Yeah, then let‘s stay like this for longer.“

* * *

 

Oikawa went to Aoba Johsai High, Ushijima to Shiratorizawa Academy, just like it was expected for them.

“Hey, that one guy, Oikawa, what‘s up with him?“ Tendou asked.

“What do you mean?“ Ushijima asked.

“Why do you, like, care so much for him?“

“Don‘t ask,“ Semi said. “Their relationship is… complicated.“

Ushijima wouldn‘t have been able to describe it better. The others tell him Oikawa hated him and the way Oikawa reacted to him every time they saw each other in court it was probably true. But then there was the other Oikawa, the one he only got to see on his birthday.

The Oikawa who smiled at him, teasingly called him Ushiwaka, didn‘t want to let him go when they hugged.

“We‘re friends,“ Ushijima said.

“Newsflash, Wakatoshi, friends aren‘t rude to each other,“ Tendou said. „I mean, not that kind of rude. I‘m sometimes rude to Semi Semi, but just because I love him so much.“

“Shut up,“ Semi said and Tendou just grinned at him.

“We‘re friends,“ Ushijima repeated and the conversation about Oikawa ended.

Yes, maybe they were just friends for one day of the year, but Ushijima never stopped thinking about Oikawa in all the other days of the year either. He knew it was stupid and Oikawa would never love him back, but it was okay. Maybe Oikawa hated him, but that was okay.

That one day was enough. He held onto that one day for the rest of the year until his next birthday when Oikawa appeared in front of his house again.

* * *

 

On Ushijima‘s sixteenth birthday, Oikawa cried.

“I didn‘t know,“ he said, when Ushijima told him one of his dogs died of age.

Of course he didn‘t. How could he? They never really talked with each other on any other day, except when it came to volleyball. Ushijima couldn‘t have said ‘Hey, my dog died‘.

“She died peacefully,” Ushijima said and put his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Still. I feel… horrible.” Oikawa hugged him out of nowhere, his arms around Ushijima’s waist, and hiding his face in the crook of Ushijima’s neck.

In that one year, nothing has changed. Ushijima still was in love with Oikawa and his heart was beating faster when he slowly put his arms around Oikawa.

“It’s okay,” he whispered.

Oikawa looked up and their eyes met. Their faces were so close from each other and Ushijima only needed to lean in to kiss him, place his lips on Oikawa’s. He really wanted to, wanted it more than anything he ever did. But instead, he just raised his hand and wiped away Oikawa’s tears.

“Sorry,” Oikawa said. “It’s your birthday and here I am just crying into your shirt.”

“Don’t worry, I can change it,” Ushijima said, very well aware that Oikawa was still hugging him and Oikawa just let him wipe his tears. Oikawa’s skin was so soft and Ushijima rested his hand on Oikawa’s cheek.

Oikawa seemed flustered when he suggested for them to go inside. Ushijima didn’t want to let him go, but he had to.

“Yes,” he said. 

“You still have to blow off your candles and make a wish, Ushiwaka!”

He wished the same thing like every birthday, that he could stay with Oikawa forever. But this time, Ushijima wished for them to be together all year round. It was a stupid wish, something that won’t come true, but it didn’t hurt to try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll upload pt 2 tomorrow its just 1am and im tired right now and my hands hurt bc i wrote 8k in one sitting and eeeh 
> 
> anyway hmu on tungle [@terushimasyuji](terushimasyuji.tumblr.com)


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my children its naughty time

Sometimes, Ushijima thinks how everything would’ve been if Oikawa would’ve been in Shiratorizawa.

He sees him across the net all the time, his form was beautiful and he was an amazing setter, and yet Aoba Johsai always lost to them. Ushijima doesn’t think it’s because of Oikawa, it wasn’t his fault. He never would’ve thought so. Oikawa’s team wasn’t strong enough, didn’t bring out his full potential.

Maybe he would’ve been better here, on the same team as Ushijima.

But it was also because he just silently wished, they could play together.  Everything would’ve been different then. Oikawa wouldn’t hate him, he wouldn’t give him those angry looks every time they defeated his team. Oikawa wouldn’t snap at him, hiss the nickname ‘Ushiwaka’ in such a hateful tone, he wouldn’t clench his fist when he talked to Ushijima, he wouldn’t turn away from him and run to his best friend, Iwaizumi.

Ushijima was jealous.

He saw Oikawa joking around with his team, laughing with them, hugging them and Ushijima wanted him to be here with him, doing the same thing. He could make him laugh too, he knew it, he had proof of it every year. He could also make him  _ win _ .

Something Oikawa’s teammates weren’t able to. Ushijima just wanted to make Oikawa happy, make him smile at him so brightly on another day that wasn’t Ushijima’s birthday. He wanted Oikawa to run into his arms after they won and make it to Nationals.

Oikawa’s team could never do this for him, but Ushijima could, if only Oikawa would give him the  _ chance _ .

* * *

 

Just like every year, Oikawa visited him on the 13th August.

“Happy birthday, Ushiwaka!” Oikawa screamed. Before Ushijima could react, Oikawa took his arm and dragged him outside. Ushijima was suddenly hit by a jet of water, coming from a water gun.

“What-”

“Here, I got one for you too,” Oikawa said and threw another water gun in his arms. “Winner gets everything, loser gets nothing!”

Ushijima smiled at it didn’t take them long until they were both laughing and panting from running so much and completely wet. 

“Well, Ushiwaka, that was fun,” Oikawa said. “I think I won.”

“I’m pretty sure we both lost,” Ushijima said.

“No, I won, Ushiwaka. That’s how the rules go.” Ushijima raised his eyebrows and Oikawa just rolled his eyes, grinning. 

After they both changed into dry clothes- Oikawa had brought some clothes with him since he knew he’d get wet- they cut the cake, but not before Ushijima blew off all seventeen candles and made the same wish like last year.

“Will you ever tell me what you wish for?” Oikawa asked him.

“When they come true,” Ushijima told him.

“Promise?”

Ushijima smiled. “Pinky promise.”

Oikawa blushed. “You’ll never let me live this down, will you?”

“No.” Also, because it gave Ushijima a reason to touch Oikawa’s hand. He linked their pinkies together and smiled at him and when Oikawa smiled back, he wished they could stay like this forever.

The day was over way too quickly, like every birthday. 

“My mom’s almost here,” Oikawa said as they stood in front of the door, just waiting for the moment they had to part. 

“I wished you didn’t have to go yet,” Ushijima said and Oikawa looked away.

“I know,” he said.

“This is the tenth,” Ushijima whispered and came closer to Oikawa. 

“Tenth?”

“Ten years ago you came to my birthday for the first time,” Ushijima said. “I… That day I didn’t think anyone would come, but you did. You were my first friend.”

Oikawa looked up to him and smiled. “I know.” It was so quiet, Ushijima could barely hear it. “You invited me and until you tell me not to come to your birthdays, I’ll always come.”

“Good,” Ushijima said. Oikawa’s eyes were so beautiful and he couldn’t tear his gaze from them, all he could right now, was look at him. He wanted to memorize his face forever, enough for the rest of the year because the Oikawa he saw on the other days wasn’t the same.

The other Oikawa was angry, glaring at him, hateful. This Oikawa wasn’t smiling, no. He was just… looking right back at him, into Ushijima’s eyes as if he knew everything, as if he could read Ushijima and knew how much it hurt him to let him go every year and how much he wished he could hold onto Oikawa forever.

“Ushiwaka,” Oikawa said. “I have to go.”

“I know,” Ushijima said and Oikawa brought up his hand, placing it on Ushijima’s cheek. “It’s just- I don’t… I don’t-”  _ want to let you go. _

“I know.” Oikawa took a step forward and then he kissed Ushijima. He was too surprised by it to react immediately, but Oikawa gave him time. He didn’t move, until Ushijima finally snapped out of it, cupped Oikawa’s face and kissed him back. 

This was everything he ever wanted. Ushijima closed his eyes and his thoughts became blurry. He couldn’t think straight, not when Oikawa’s soft lips were against his, and his hands were moving lower. He roamed them over Ushijima’s shoulder before he curled his arms around Ushijima’s neck.

“Ushiwaka,” Oikawa whispered against his lips when their kiss broke.

“Thank you,” Ushijima said and he kissed him again. One of his hands on Oikawa’s waist, the other in his soft hair. He didn’t want this moment to ever stop.

“What are you thanking me for, Ushibaka?” Oikawa asked, laughing. “Don’t thank me for something like that, idiot. We’re friends, aren’t we?” 

Oikawa smiled and kissed him one last time softly on the lips before he let him go and opened the door. “See you then.”

Ushijima nodded and waved him goodbye.

* * *

 

After their last game in their second year of High School in which Aoba Johsai lost against Shiratorizawa again, Ushijima found him outside all alone.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima said.

Oikawa turned to him. He had tears in his eyes, which he wiped away quickly. “What do you want, Ushiwaka? Go away.” He didn’t want to show Ushijima his tears. Ushijima thought back to his sixteenth birthday, when Oikawa had cried into his shirt and hugged him so closely.

“You…”

“Lost, I know,” Oikawa groaned. “You don’t need to bring it up again, Ushiwaka. It’s kind of rude, don’t you think?”

Ushijima didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to see Oikawa sad, not like this. Not when he wouldn’t allow Ushijima to comfort him. Especially since it was the first time they were talking since their kiss.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima said. “We should… talk.”

“About what?” 

“About the kiss.”

“No.” Oikawa shook his head. “We don’t talk about it, just forget it, okay? That- whatever we have on your birthday. It stays like that.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I hate you!”

Ushijima stepped closer. “You don’t,” he said. “Why do you hate me and still kiss me?”

“Because it’s different!” Oikawa scoffed. “It’s different! I don’t like you, Ushiwaka, okay? Deal with it. Do you think I can like my biggest rival? All the time, I lose to your team. We’re always just  _ one  _ game away from Nationals. I never went, it must be nice, huh?” 

“You could’ve,” Ushijima said. “You could’ve gone to Nationals. With me.”

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa asked.

“With me as your ace, you could’ve won. If you would be on our team,” Ushijima explained. With Oikawa on their side, they could be even stronger. They could’ve been together. They could go to Nationals together and Oikawa never would’ve needed to cry again, except out of joy.

“‘ _ With me as your ace’ _ ? You… This is exactly why I hate you, Ushiwaka! I don’t want to be on your team. I want to win with my team, and not with  _ you _ as the ace.” Oikawa took a deep breath. “I can win without you. Just you see, I will be able to win the next game.”

“You could’ve played side by side,” Ushijima said. “After Middle School. Why didn’t you?” 

Oikawa stared at him and then looked away. “When I got into Kitgawa Daiichi, there was a short moment I wanted to be where you were,” he confessed. “But not because you had the strongest team, but because I wanted to be with you.”

“Oikawa-”

“But that changed quickly,” Oikawa said. “I saw you. I saw your team. I don’t want to be on a team like that, I wanted to  _ defeat  _ that team with  _ my  _ friends and teammates. I want to defeat you at least once and next year, when we’re both captains, I will.”

Ushijima tried to process those words. “So, all of this just because of your  _ pride _ ?”

Oikawa laughed. “Take it as you will, Ushiwaka,” he said. “I should go inside, my team is waiting for me. The team I chose.” 

  
  


If he hated him, why did Oikawa still come to Ushijima’s birthday every year? How was he able to swallow his pride on just one day to congratulate him and hug him? And even kiss him?

Why did Oikawa kiss him? Did he like him too?

Ushijima was just too confused by it and didn’t understand him. He wished things were simple, but they weren’t. He wasn’t sure about anything, except his love for Oikawa.

On his eighteenth birthday, Oikawa didn’t turn up. Maybe it was because of that one conversation they had, maybe it was because of the kiss. Ushijima lied in his bed, trying to think of something.

Of course, something between them had changed since the last time, but… this was his birthday. He promised. And yet, Oikawa didn’t turn up. It was almost dark outside already and his mother had been asking about Oikawa too, but he hadn’t gotten an answer. He had even left the cake untouched.

Ushijima sighed, got up from his bed and walked downstairs. Maybe he should just eat the cake alone, he didn’t want it to go to waste. That was when somebody knocked against the door.

Ushijima opened it to see Oikawa.

“You came.”

“Sorry for being late,” Oikawa said. For the first time he didn’t smile at him immediately and greeted him loudly. 

“I’m just glad you came,” Ushijima said and let him in.

“Why are you still awake?”

“I wanted to eat the cake.”

“What? Rude, you have to blow off the candles like every year and make a wish!” Oikawa said and Ushijima smiled.

“Let’s do it together.”

They took the cake upstairs to Ushijima’s room and Oikawa told him a friend drove him here. Ushijima didn’t ask him when he has to return back home, since it was so late. It was awkward between them, different than any other birthdays he had so far.

They just sat across each other, eating the same cake they have the past eleven birthdays in silence.

They both spoke up at the same time.

“Oikawa-”

“Ushiwaka-”

Oikawa blushed. “Let me talk first.”

“Okay.” 

Oikawa put the cake away and then crawled over to Ushijima until he was sitting right next to him. Ushijima put the cake down too, and looked into Oikawa’s eyes. Their shoulders and arms were touching.

“I don’t want to talk,” Oikawa said. “If I… We can’t keep on doing this.  _ I  _ can’t do this, if I talk now… I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Okay,” Ushijima said. 

“Thank you.” Oikawa laid his head on Ushijima’s shoulder.

“Don’t thank me,” Ushijima said in the same tone Oikawa always did. “We’re friends.” 

He could feel Oikawa’s body shaking when he laughed. “Do you hate me, Ushiwaka?”

“Never.”

“Pinky promise?” Oikawa held up his pinky and Ushijima linked their fingers together. 

“Of course.”

Oikawa’s smile was sad, but he didn’t let Ushijima’s hand go, when Ushijima drew it back. Instead, he linked all their fingers together and then kissed him. It had been a year since their last kiss and Ushijima had almost forgotten how it felt like.

They kissed for what seemed forever. None of them moved their bodies, not much. Ushijima just brought up his hand to cup Oikawa’s face and Oikawa held onto Ushijima’s shirt.

They kissed again and again, just soft and gentle, innocent kisses, until Oikawa parted his lips and their tongues met. It was like something in Ushijima snapped the moment Oikawa let him go further. He lowered his hands, over Oikawa’s arms to his waist. He pulled him closer and closer until there was no air between their bodies anymore, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Ushiwaka,” Oikawa whispered.

“Don’t call me that,” Ushijima replied and lifted Oikawa onto his lap. They were still on the ground, Ushijima’s back against his bed, Oikawa now straddling him.

They leaned back to look each other in the eyes for a moment before Oikawa pulled him into another passionate kiss. It was needy and desperate and Oikawa ran his fingers through Ushijima’s hair, pulling him so that his head would fall back.

Ushijima grabbed Oikawa’s ass and broke their kiss to place more kisses along his jawline. He could feel Oikawa’s heavy breathing against his air and he wanted more of it. He wanted to make Oikawa a mess, make him gasp for air and moan his name and pull him closer until they were one.

He licked Oikawa’s neck, who breathed out in surprise before tilting his head, so Ushijima had more access to it. Ushijima sucked on it, bit on it. Because yes, Oikawa will probably just pretend like this one day didn’t happen and go back to hating Ushijima the next day, but he didn’t want this.

Ushijima wanted to leave a mark so Oikawa had to think of this night over and over again when he looked into the mirror.

“Ushiwaka, don’t leave a mark,” Oikawa breathed out as if he could read his mind.

“I will,” Ushijima just replied and tugged down Oikawa’s shirt to expose his collarbone, where he left even more marks. Oikawa moaned, gripping into Ushijima’s biceps and Ushijima squeezed his firm ass, making him tremble.

“Wakatoshi,” Oikawa moaned and they kissed again. 

Ushijima got up on his feet, with Oikawa’s legs around his waist and his grip firm as he put Oikawa gently on his bed. He quickly crawled over him and Oikawa was lying there so  _ perfectly _ . He was eagerly waiting for Ushijima to settle between his legs, his arms even raised and when Ushijima lowered himself again, Oikawa curled them around his neck to kiss him again.

“Please,” Oikawa murmured.

“Please what?”

“I-” He lost his voice and instead moved his hips against Ushijima’s, who groaned in response.

“Oikawa-”

“I want you,” Oikawa said. “Always have or just right now- I don’t… I don’t know. But I want you.”

“Okay,” Ushijima said. That was enough for him now. He sat up and took off his shirt. Oikawa followed his movement, sat up too and took off his too.

_ You’re beautiful _ , Ushijima thought as his hands roamed over Oikawa’s naked upper body. 

“Stupid, don’t say that” Oikawa said, his cheeks red.

Oh, he must have said it out loud. “It’s true,” he responded and Oikawa just brought him down again, pulling him into another heated kiss.

Ushijima took it slow, he left kisses all over Oikawa’s body and let his hand wander over it, because he finally could. He had wanted this for years and now Oikawa let him, no, he didn’t just  _ let _ him. He responded just as eagerly, hands roaming over Ushijima’s upper body, grinding against him, grabbing into the back of Ushijima’s pants.

“Get them off of me,” Oikawa said. “Please, I need you.”

Ushijima nodded wordlessly and took off Oikawa’s pants. Oikawa’s hands were immediately on him, fumbling with the fly of Ushijima’s pants to get them off too and soon they were both stripped to their underwear.

Ushijima liked Oikawa’s legs, he had watched them countless of times every time he was in court, running. But now he was underneath Ushijima, legs spread and trembling.

It was different. Ushijima ran his hands over Oikawa’s legs, spreading them even more. 

“Don’t be a tease,” Oikawa complained.

Ushijima smiled and leaned in for another kiss. At the same time, his hand slid under Oikawa’s briefs. He was already hard- just like Oikawa was. Oikawa let out a quiet moan when Ushijima finally touched him.

“Wakatoshi,” he whispered hot against Ushijima’s ear and touched him too. Ushijima’s entire body was shaking when Oikawa’s fingers curled around his hard length and placed kisses on his necks. “Fuck me.”

“What?” 

“I want you to,” Oikawa answered. “I- Do you have lube?”

Ushijima swallowed and nodded. His short glance to his bedside table gave him away. Oikawa smirked and reached out his hand, opening its drawer and bringing out the half empty bottle. He raised his eyebrows.

“Used this while thinking of me?”

“Yes.” Ushijima blushed.

“That was a joke,” Oikawa said. “Don’t always be so incredibly honest, I hate that about you.”

“Oh.”

Oikawa sighed. “Give me your hand.” Ushijima did as he was told and watched Oikawa squeeze out a generous amount on his fingers. He took Ushijima’s hand, drew his legs closer and guided Ushijima’s hand to his entrance. “One by one,” he whispered.

“Okay,” Ushijima said. “Have you done this before?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa said, blushing. “Myself. I’ve done it myself and if you ask ‘while thinking of me’ too, Ushibaka, I’ll hate you.”

_ Don’t you already _ ? Ushijima didn’t ask further and circled Oikawa’s entrance with his finger before he pressed one in. Oikawa gasped and Ushijima kissed him softly.

He wanted to take it slow, because Ushijima didn’t know what will happen after this. Will Oikawa ignore him for a year until his nineteenth birthday again, even after they both aren’t on their volleyball teams anymore? Will he pretend as if nothing happened? Because if that was the case, he wanted to cherish every single moment and draw it out.

Maybe he took it too slow, because when he had three fingers inside Oikawa, he was already the mess Ushijima had wanted to make him. He looked so good underneath him, cheeks red, his hand over his mouth to muffle his moans, since Ushijima’s mother was sleeping only a few rooms next to his, eyes hooded and hair messy.

“Get on with it already, Ushiwaka!”

“Don’t call me that,” Ushijima repeated.

“Please, Wakatoshi. I need you now,  _ please _ , I want you in me,” Oikawa begged. “There’s a condom in the pockets of my jeans.”

Ushijima wondered, if he had planned this. But now was not the time to think about it. He drew out his fingers and searched on the ground for Oikawa’s pants. He found them and the condom in it quickly and rolled it over his throbbing erection. 

“Come on,” Oikawa said, panting as he poured some lube on his hands and spread the lube over Ushijima’s cock. “I can’t- I can’t hold it anymore.” Oikawa leaned back again, looking up to Ushijima, eagerly waiting.

“Me neither,” Ushijima said and entered him slowly. He wasn’t exactly sure how he had been able to hold back until now, because as soon as he was in Oikawa he felt like he would come any time. Oikawa threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut, both of his hands over his mouth.

“Are you- Are you all-,” Oikawa gasped.

“Not yet.” Ushijima took a deep breath. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Oikawa opened his eyes and smiled at him. “Yes, I’m okay.”

Ushijima returned the smile weakly and slid out before he entered him again, this time until his hips were flushed against Oikawa’s skin.

“God,” Oikawa breathed out. “Do you have to be so big?”

“Does it hurt?”

Oikawa shook his head. “It’s- I’m fine. You can move.”

“I don’t know if I’ll… last long,” Ushijima said.

“It’s okay, me neither.”

It wasn’t okay, Ushijima thought. He wanted to stay like this forever and never let him go. Instead, it was like his body was moving on its own. Slowly at first, but with each thrust he picks up a quicker pace. He finds rhythm soon and when Oikawa widens his eyes and throws both his hands in front of his mouth again, Ushijima knows he had found that spot.

He smirks and thrust against it again.

“Wakatoshi,” Oikawa moaned. “I-” 

Ushijima took his hands away and put his own hand over Oikawa’s lips. “I know,” he groaned.

The air is heavy around them, as they both try to suppress their moans. Oikawa is biting down on his hand, but Ushijima doesn’t mind. Not when Oikawa doesn’t look away, meets his eyes, as tears form in the corner of Oikawa’s. 

“Please- touch me, I’m so close,” he pleaded.

Ushijima complies gladly, takes Oikawa’s cock in his hand. He moves his hand in the same rhythm as he thrusts into him and throws his arms around Ushijima.

“Fuck,” Oikawa groans and bites into Ushijima’s shoulder.

“Oikawa…”

“Don’t call me that.” Oikawa said.

“Tooru,” he corrected himself and Ushijima felt soon after it Oikawa’s walls clenching around him.

“Wakatoshi!” Both of them forgot in the heat of the moment that they were supposed to be quiet, when Oikawa came with Ushijima’s name on his lips. Hearing Oikawa lose himself like that, loudly moaning his name made him lose himself too, and it didn’t take too long until he came too.

They were both panting heavily and Ushijima collapsed on top of Oikawa and pulled out.

“We should- We should clean up,” Oikawa said.

“Yeah,” Ushijima agreed. He rolled off from Oikawa and looked at him. “Are you staying?”

“Do you want me to?”

“You know the answer.”

Oikawa didn’t reply at first, until Ushijima kissed the corner of his mouth. “Okay. I’ll stay,” he said.

When Ushijima woke up the next day, Oikawa was gone. Ushijima sighed and fell back on his bed again. What had he expected? Nothing had changed between them.

He later found a note on his table.

_ Just forget it happened. Please. _

But how could he? But for Oikawa’s sake, Ushijima didn’t bring it up the next time he saw him.

* * *

Their High School career ended with Aoba Johsai not being able to beat Shiratorizawa and Shiratorizawa losing against Karasuno.

He was frustrated and went back to his mother’s home that weekend. She didn’t live too far away from his school, just an hour away, but still far enough that Ushijima had to live in the dorms.

Ushijima was outside in the back garden, even though it was cold and just staring at the sky, like he and Oikawa had done every birthday of his except the last one. It had already been months ago and yet he wasn’t able to forget it, even if Oikawa had asked him to.

“Hi.”

Ushijima sat up, when he heard Oikawa’s familiar voice. He looked up to see Oikawa towering over him.

“Your mother let me in,” Oikawa said.

“It’s… not my birthday.”

“No.” Oikawa said and sat down next to him. “It’s not, stupid. It’s way too cold to sit out here, Ushiwaka. Did you forget it’s long past summer?”

Ushijima smiled and shook his head. “No.”

“So you lost, huh? I somehow knew you’d come back here.”

“Because you know me.”

Oikawa didn’t reply and just lied back and stared at the sky.

“I think I was wrong,” Ushijima said. He looked into the sky too, but it was too clouded for the clouds to have any shapes. “I had always thought I could make you happy. I never wanted to see you cry. I thought… because I was the strongest force on my team and my team was the strongest in the prefecture, I could’ve. I thought I could have, no matter what, get you to Nationals. That’s why I thought you chose the wrong path. I wanted you to be by my side and thought that a victory would be guaranteed. 

“But I can’t even get my own team there, yet alone the person I love.”

As soon as Ushijima said ‘love’, Oikawa took a deep breath.

“Yeah,” he said. “I figured that out too, I guess. I hated you a lot, you know? I know it wasn’t your fault that you won. But the way you talked- I thought you looked down on me. And you were right, it was my pride. It was because of my pride I only allowed myself to be with you for one day.”

“What changed?” Ushijima asked and sat up, turning to Oikawa. 

The other male smiled and brought up his hand and stroke Ushijima’s cheek. “Eh, we were both crushed by the same team,” he said and sat up too. “Made me think a lot. I thought maybe once I defeated you I could move on and finally be with you. It’s over now, we’re not High Schoolers anymore. I won’t have another chance to beat you. I mean, maybe in college, but it’s not the same.

“I don’t know. In the end I guessed I realized it didn’t matter that much anymore. Winning against you isn’t as important as being with you.”

Ushijima didn’t know what to say. His heart felt heavy and his lips like sealed.

“Thank you.”

“What for?” Ushijima asked.

“For not hating me, even though I hated you all the time.” There were tears in the corner of Oikawa’s eyes and Ushijima cupped his face and kissed him. 

“Don’t thank me for that, ever,” Ushijima said. “I love you.”

“I know,” Oikawa said. “I love you too. I don’t know when it happened though.”

“I think I do,” Ushijima said. “Eleven years ago, when I had no friends and thought nobody would turn up to my birthday and then there was this one boy who just announced we were friends now and brought me a present and called me Ushiwaka, even though we barely knew each other.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Yeah,” he said. “Can’t believe seven year old me wasn’t as stupid as eighteen year old me.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“Come one, I kind of am.”

Ushijima laughed and they kissed again and again until they were both lying on the ground again and smiling at each other. “You asked me what I wished for on my birthday,” he said, his hand brushing a strand of Oikawa’s hair behind his ear. “I wished for this, every year.”

Oikawa smiled, took his hand and linked their pinkies. “No matter what happens from here on,” he said, “we’ll still be together on your birthday. I promise.”

“I don’t plan on letting you go,” Ushijima said. “So you’ll be together with me on other days too, you know?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guess. You can come over to me for  _ my  _ birthday, I feel like I spent too much money on you for every birthday present. Time to pay up, Ushiwaka.”

“I will,” Ushijima promised. “Pinky promise.”

“Shut up,” Oikawa murmured and blushed before he pressed another kiss on Ushijima’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme tell u i struggled hard to make this canon compliant ya know, because theyre friends but i also wanted them to have the same relationship as in the manga and have it all fit and ah well its done now and theyre happy


End file.
